So frequently, parents report that their child throws tantrums (screaming, crying, throwing his/her body on the ground, head banging) to get a desireable object. Since I mostly work with 0-3 year olds, I have noticed that children who are language impaired (language comprehension and language expression difficulties) tantrum more that their typically developing peers.
WHY?!
Well, there could be a variety of factors that lead to a child’s tantrums. A large contributor is frustration. Children who are language impaired frequently become frustrated with their difficulty in communicating their basic wants and needs to their parent/caregiver.
So, yes.. children who tantrum are often frustrated – but how can we help decrease the amount and severity of tantrums? Two suggestions that I often provide parents:
1. Ignore the bad behavior, reinforce the good behavior
- Do not give your child a cookie, or any desireable object, in the midst of a tantrum. If you give them what they want, they start to legitimately think, “Oh, if I cry and scream, I get what I want! This is easy!” As opposed to reinforcing their bad behavior, praise them for their good behavior. Throughout the day, as your child does things appropriately, bring positive attention to that behavior. For example, if your child picked up a piece of trash that fell on the floor, “Wow, [Gracie], I love it when you clean up after yourself! You make momma proud!” Consistent, positive reinforcement for desireable behavior will increase the amount of the desireable behavior.
- In the same light, if your child is kicking, screaming and crying for a cookie, DO NOT GIVE THEM A COOKIE! You may turn your head and let them “cry it out”or you may suggest for them to do something communicative. Which brings me to my second suggestion…
2. Reinforce all modes of communication to decrease frustration
- As you ignore their “tantrum”, you may say to your child, “I’m sorry, but I don’t understand. Do you want more cookie?” Whether they say “cookie”, “more”, “more cookie” REINFORCE their communication by immediately giving them the object they desire. If your child cannot verbally talk, you can use the “more” sign. Initially, you will have to take their sweet little hands and do the “more” sign with them. As time progresses, your child will quickly learn that bringing their hands together for the “more” sign gets them what they want – without a tantrum!
Hopefully these tips help decrease the amoutn and severity of your baby’s tantrums!
Happy Babbling!